Valentine’s Day can be complicated. Everywhere you look there are red roses, cards and declarations of love. But for many survivors of domestic abuse, this day doesn’t feel romantic. It may stir up grief, anger, loneliness or even shame, for those who are still healing.
This Valentine’s Day, love doesn’t have to come from someone else. It can begin with you.
Abuse often disguises itself as love. It may have started with intensity, passion and promises. It may have felt magical at first. But slowly, control replaced care. Fear replaced safety. Confusion replaced clarity.
And somewhere in that experience, you may have started questioning your worth. Abuse is about power and control—not your value, not your desirability, not your strength.
Our 12 week empowerment programmes for male and female survivors of domestic abuse offer education of what a healthy relationship should look like.
Love is not:
- Walking on eggshells
- Shrinking yourself to avoid conflict
- Explaining away disrespect
- Feeling afraid of someone’s anger
Love is:
- Safety
- Kindness
- Respect
- Setting boundaries
- Being able to rest
And most importantly, love includes the way you treat yourself. Taking time for yourself is not selfish, it is vital for your health and wellbeing.
Choosing to love yourself after experiencing domestic abuse isn’t as simple as self care. It’s something much deeper.
It can also be:
- Going to therapy even when it’s hard
- Blocking the number you’re tempted to unblock
- Saying “I deserve better” even if you don’t fully believe it yet
- Setting boundaries without apologising for them
It can take time to trust again, which is why it is important to start with loving yourself first, learn to trust your own judgements again before welcoming love from others. It is a process which takes time but with the right support you can. Building healthy relationships and forging supportive networks is something which is a great help. It can help to reduce isolation and build confidence, which is why we offer additional groups such as our women’s boxing group and host regular coffee mornings for those who have attended our programmes.
This valentines day, choose yourself.
For more information about any of our services, email [email protected]
