Anne-Marie’s Story

Mother of three Anne-Marie was referred to FLH by a local charity in January 2025 after years of psychological and financial abuse from her alcoholic husband. She felt unable to talk to anyone about her situation “It’s so hard to talk to people who haven’t been though your experience – their response is always – why don’t you leave? You feel judged and ashamed.”

Leaving simply wasn’t an option for Anne-Marie. “My middle child was doing her A levels, and my younger son didn’t want to change the school he had recently started. We all discussed leaving and I had to think about what was best for my children and what they wanted.”

Anne-Marie was sleeping on the sofa; her husband had taken over their bedroom, which was in a chaotic state. She was also really worried about the state of the home if he stayed, and she left. “We also had pets I knew he wouldn’t take care of,” she says.  She started FLH’s Monica Programme in April 2025.  The 12-week, specialist, trauma-informed group programme for women affected by domestic abuse, is delivered by experienced counselling professionals. “The programme gave me the space to talk without being judged. I was surrounded by people with similar emotions, even though we had come together from different paths.”

“Being part of the Monica programme also helped me build my confidence, let go of the anger I felt towards myself and build my future. It was amazing,” she says.

She then took take part in FLH’s Moments programme “I absolutely loved it. It provided a continued support group. Also, a way of exploring emotions and ensuring I was taking care of myself.” Members built lasting bonds and are still in touch on WhatsApp.

Anne-Marie also sought help from FLH to allow her to best support her children, in particular her youngest child who had struggled having witnessed his father’s behaviour. “He was so scared, he didn’t want to be like his dad,’ she says. “Being on the Brighter Days programme helped me talk to him about the situation and manage his concerns. People can forget that children are also survivors of domestic abuse having seen its impact on a parent. Brighter Days is a fantastic programme in helping parents who have survived domestic abuse to support their children.”

“I am a real champion of Future Living Hertford. The charity is a much-needed lifeline and my experience of being supported by it is so, so positive,” Anne- Marie says. “It was like the sun appearing from behind the clouds when I was in such a dark place. I only wish I’d found the charity sooner.”

She is now supporting other survivors as a mentor for women on the Monica Programme. “It is so important that anyone facing abuse has the support of others who have had similar experiences. They don’t judge.”

She has also undertaken training to understand more about domestic abuse and wants to work to support others who have survived abusive relationships. “Future Living Hertford has lit a fire in me in thinking about what I want to do, next” she says.

She is committed to telling her story to try and stop other women survivors feeling guilt and shame as well as fear of being believed. “You can’t see the impact of psychological and financial abuse or coercive control,” she says. “There is no bruise or broken bone, but the suffering is there. Not enough is understood about non-violent domestic abuse and its impact.”

“Future Living has been such a large part of my journey working on myself to getting me to where I am today feeling more settled than I was 18 months ago, when I was emotionally very low, virtually no self-esteem and exhausted. “

“Future Living has also been essential when, from what I experienced, its only when i had to keep vocally saying I still needed help after he had gone that I had some further support. He on the other hand as an alcoholic who had been legally removed from his home had 3-4 different organisations seeking contact with him and offering support and help even when at first his engagement was almost non-existent. The importance of support when the situation has ended doesn’t seem to be as important, when the fact is it is more essential, without Future Livings support, the truth is I may have taken him back out of guilt. “

“Survivors are emotionally vulnerable for quite a while after the abuser no longer has contact so supporting the survivor and building their confidence and support network is vital as healing and recovery is ongoing for a survivor just it is for someone who’s suffered a medical trauma.”

“Trying to understand your own feelings and navigating your way with lack of confidence while having others around you who understand without an explanation even you find hard to give is invaluable and just a small part of what I have experienced with Future Living.  I feel lucky to have found it and am happy to tell anyone who wants to know how invaluable its service is.”