When Marianne first found Future Living Hertford, years of abuse had left her psychologically broken, isolated and struggling to believe in herself. Despite being a capable woman with a successful career, she felt lost and unable to see how she could take back control of her life.
Through the Monica programme, Marianne found understanding, compassion and a sense of belonging.
Today, Marianne is determined to use her experience to break the taboo around domestic abuse, support others and help ensure Future Living Hertford can continue its vital work.
This is Marianne’s story…
“If I hadn’t found Future Living Hertford in December 2024, I wouldn’t be here today. It’s a simple as that.”
Marianne got in touch with Future Living Hertford after finding the charity on-line. She was, she says “struggling and needing support” after years of living with an abusive husband had left her psychologically broken. “He had dismantled my sense of self and my belief systems, I felt completely isolated, judged and alone. I’d stopped relying on myself and believing in myself.” The abuse also left her without a sense of safety in the world.
A smart, educated and articulate woman, mother of three Marianne says she “was used to sorting out” her own problems. She had done the research – reading over 70 books about toxic relationships. “I am a capable woman with a senior role and successful career, but I felt completely lost. It was the first time I’d lost control and power. I knew I needed to leave and separate from my husband but not how I could make that happen.”
Marianne met with a member of the Future Living Hertford team and says that for the first time she was ‘believed and understood.’ More importantly, she says “There was no judgment either of me or the choices I had made.”
Marianne took part in the Monica programme in January 2025. “Being with a group of women who had suffered all levels of abuse allowed me to be compassionate to myself as well as them; it also gave me a sense of belonging – I wasn’t on my own.”
Being part of the group also provided Marianne with the tools to take back control and move on with her life. “I now know how to make sure I will never again be a victim of domestic abuse. I’ve created my own boundaries and will remove myself from situations where they are crossed without any guilt or shame.”
“Future Living Hertford helped me put myself back together again, taught me how to save myself, to take back the self that had been stolen through the abuse” she adds. “I am 100% in a different place now, including being a better mother to my children.”
Marianne also credits ongoing support from Future Living Hertford for giving her the courage to report her ex-husband to the police. “Hopefully he can be prevented from abusing again,” she says.
The overall experience has left Marianne with a clear commitment to talking about and sharing her story to break the taboo around domestic abuse. “I’m looking into the possibility of doing a TED Talk and writing a book about what I have gone through. But my real ambition is to retrain either as a caseworker or solicitor specialising in supporting victims of domestic abuse.”
She is also a committed fundraiser for Future Living Hertford. “If I hadn’t found Future Living Hertford in December 2024, I wouldn’t be here today. It’s a simple as that,” she says. “I owe them so much and want to make sure that they are able to keep doing the work to support those suffering domestic abuse and ultimately ensure domestic abuse is a thing of the past.”